So close I can taste it!

This week was rough! I progressed through the dilators so fast, I thought I was invincible and possibly that we could attempt sex on Valentine's Day!

Wrong.

I was up to the fourth dilator and pretty comfortable with it. It isn't Alex's size but I thought that since I know how to relax my muscles it could work! So we tried and failed. Still intense burning pain and couldn't get passed the darn PC muscles.

So I had to pick myself up and move on to the next size. The fifth dilator is pretty close to Alex's size so I tried inserting it two days ago and I could only get it in an inch before it was met with the pain. I was devastated that I couldn't do it. But I have to keep the faith!

Yesterday I did an extended dilation with the fourth one and did some gentle stretching with it. And then was finally able to insert the fifth dilator. Had a little pain with the muscle spasms but now there is a new burning pain. I thought it could be due to the stretching because of the size. I only could leave it in for 15 minutes because the pain was so bad and I started to break out in a weird rash. The pain lasted all night and it hurt to walk, sit, or do anything! Luckily it was gone by morning!

In order for this to work, I have to keep the pace up! Tonight dilating was a little easier. I started with the fourth again and did some stretching. And then was able to easily insert the fifth one (I hate that the bigger the size, the longer they make them so it always hits my cervix and makes it so I can't put it all the one in!) However, that new burning pain was back! Not as bad as the night before but still pretty bad. I did some research on my online forum and found it could be due to the fact that it is hitting the urethra which is very sensitive and someone suggested pointing the dilator down. I tried that and it definitely relieved some of the pain! So that is something I will ask my PT about.

I can't believe that in this short amount of time I have progressed so far and I only have one dilator to go before we can transition to intercourse. I know this is because of the support and prayers from all of you. A year ago I never would have thought I would be at this point today. I thought it was impossible to insert anything into my vagina. It seemed so broken and I was so broken. I just have to remember, that in the end everything will work out :)