On the Road Again

First of all, thank you for the love and support I have received from everyone. It is overwhelming. 

After a year of trying to take things into my own hands with a self-help kit and not having a lot of success, I had finally worked up the courage to call for help. Through my online support group I found a woman from Salt Lake who had seen a physical therapist and claimed that it was crucial for her healing. From her recommendation, I picked up the phone and made an appointment to see a physical therapist similar to hers that specializes in woman’s issues. My appointment was for Wednesday at 3:00pm. After that phone call I felt like things are finally going to get better.

So yesterday I was a ball of nerves because I didn’t know what really to expect or if this physical therapist really knew about vaginismus and how to treat it. At 2:00pm Alex and I headed up to Draper to see Valerie in hopes of good news and a cure. After filling out paper work and waiting (always waiting…) I finally was greeted by Valerie who is a tall skinny blonde. We went back to a private room that was more of a comforting warm spa room than a sterile, white hospital room. Instead of undressing into the bare minimum like I would have done for my gynecologist, she had Alex and I sit down and talk first to get comfortable. 

She first asked why we decided to see her. Every time I start to explain my problem, I break out in tears. It was comforting for her to say it is NORMAL and I understand—here is a box of tissues. She then asked about more specifics and then began to explain why vaginal dilation probably hasn’t been working for me at this time. First of all right now, my vagina is a closed door and last time I checked you can’t just walk through a closed door unless you are some kind of magician. Before we even are to start getting passed the door I have to become my own kind of magician and open the door with my mind. This is the tricky part because for so long my brain has been telling me that if anything gets passed that door, it will hurt and we DON’T like pain.

Then she took out this really cool machine called electromyogram or EMG that can test how tight my muscles are (Dr. Oz actually does a really cool segment on this, the link is to the right of this post). She put the sensors around the pelvic floor muscles and the scale showed about a five. Where we want to be is under two (we have some work to do).  I then had 15 minutes to practice relaxing and trying to get fewer than two. I was able to get under two if I was distracted talking to Alex or just relaxing my mind and thinking about other things or tensing my whole body and then relaxing.

Valerie came back in and asked how it went. She seemed elated that I was able to get under two and said that this is a good sign! However, the hard part is to practice staying under two when we start dilating sessions. So for the next two weeks I am to practice relaxing and holding on to my happy place. I feel like Happy Gilmore finding his happy place so he can hit a hole in one. Kind of the same thing, right? Well I don’t have my own EMG at home but if I can’t hold onto the happy place on my own after practicing, I can buy my own machine so I can visibly see how relaxed I am.

After my appointment I felt so much lighter. I finally have found some kind of a doctor who knows exactly what I am going through and feel comfortable with her coaching my vagina. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere and with a lot of time and hard work this can be beat!